Secrets

Secrets

I speak for others but not for myself.

I can share their stories with everyone else.

So why do I hide behind my own pain?

So afraid of the backlash, whispers and shame.

People see an image of me,

Happy, alive, outgoing and carefree.

But, if the only knew what was lurking inside,

If the heard the demons I try to hide.

What would they think of the struggles in my brain?

Would they laugh at me? Hate me? Call me insane?

People think my life is perfect, a picture from a book.

But they might see so much more if they took a closer look.

I have much to be thankful for the blessings are great,

But under the image is doubt, inferiority and self hate.

I smile for others, it’s what they want to see.

I put on my show, pretending everyone wants to be me.

But when all is said and done and I am all alone,

The darkness comes creeping in, weighing my heart like a stone.

I want to shout out for someone to hear.

I want someone to take away all these fears.

But I cant let anyone know the thoughts in my head ,

The feelings of fear, doubt and dread.

If I reached out what would they say?

Would they say its for attention and walk away?

Would they say get over yourself you have nothing to worry about?

Your life is perfect, stand up, shut up, figure it out.

So many suffer with much greater ordeals.

Your just selfish, hormonal, go take a pill.

And they are right, so many struggle far worse then I.

So I hide it all away and I lie, lie lie.

But the demons don’t care who you pretend to be.

They creep in and taunt you, make you see what they see.

You are worthless, you fail at all you try.

You hurt everyone who loves you, maybe you should die.

The world wouldn’t miss you if you went away.

It would go on turning, so why bother to stay.

You cant do anything right, you fail at all you do.

How could you really expect anyone to love you?

Soon the words become images in my head.

Examples in my life to support the fear and dread.

I am suffocated with pain, alone in the night.

Struggling in my own hell, trying not to lose the fight.

I reach through the oppressive sadness,

Turning my back, running from the madness.

Why cant I find my own voice?

I am sinking, drowning, and its not a choice.

I want to shout out, to share the hurt inside.

But who would understand me, in  who could I confide?

I stand quite and frozen, by my fears I am confined.

I am all alone, dying, tortured by my own mind.

I sink deeper and deeper, over come with despair.

Panic squeezing my chest, leaving me without air.

Who could I turn to, who could I make see?

Is there anyone who will listen without judging me?

I feel so alone, everyone has turned away.

What is wrong with me, why doesn’t anyone stay?

Just when I think the demons have won the war,

That I can fall no further and can take no more.

I choose to stand up and fight back instead.

Screaming out to drown the voices in my head.

I wont let them win, not this time.

I put on a smile and pretend I am fine.

Back to the beginning the cycle repeats.

No one must know, this is my secret to keep.

Author: Delilah 

Written in memory of Sara "Bob" and all those who suffer. 

Please do not keep secrets!
Speak Up, Reach Out!

Break The Silence!

End The Stigma!
Tell Someone!
U Matter!

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