Of all the things you worry about as a parent, suicide wasn't something I had even considered since Sara didn't show any signs. I know you are tired of hearing that but its true. She was happy young lady with an infectious smile. As a parent, you find yourself worrying about are they eating enough...are they doing their homework...are they brushing their teeth...are they using their manners...are they growing up to be successful in society...did you give them all the tools to succeed? I find myself contemplating this a lot every day, of every moment. Did I give her the tools she needed?
We spent our whole lives doing what was best for our daughter, making sure that she stayed in the same school district regardless of where her father and I were moving to. We supported her, we encouraged her, we protected her from everything imaginable...Sara was never abused physically or emotionally to my knowledge. She never spoke about being bullied as a kid now she did talk about how kids were snotty or the popular girls were rude and she didn't want to be friends with people like that. She loved being SMART and being called a NERD. It was an honor. She most of the time was the smartest kid in the room because she worked at it. From the moment she came home til she went to bed, she was studying, some nights til 1 or 2am.
But there's no defining moment that I can think of that would make someone like Sara choose to end her life. It doesn't even make logical sense for someone like Sara which is why I tell everybody suicide is illogical. It's an out of balance part of life. Nothing about it makes sense to me. It doesn't change that it happened. It's an epidemic taking our youth, yet we are all afraid to speak up. I will not be afraid I have nothing left to lose but everybody else who has a child should be. Suicide can affect anybody at any time. Every 40 seconds someone takes their life. SM South has about 1500 kids currently. 6% of those kids have a plan in place to end their lives...so 90 children. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to roll the dice on this one.I would give my own life to have her back. I would sell my soul to Satan himself, if it would bring her back so that she herself could change the world. But I don't have that option. I never will be able to hold her again. We all know someone...young or old...1 in 4 people struggle in their life time but don't speak up because of the stigma. So what you can do is have those hard conversations.Until we start talking about it nothing is going to change. I would get up and speak up. Talk to you kids. Don't judge them. They already get that enough in school. Make sure that you are being there for them and helping them through it.
Anyone who has been made to feel like their life isn't worth it should never feel like this. This is unacceptable to me. This is why I call suicide an epidemic. Suicide being the second largest reason or cause of death in young adults shouldn't be just recognize one week out of one month. We should be talking about it openly and honestly all the time so that we can erase the stigma around mental.
SM South in the last 2-3 years has lost at least 4 children to suicide. Yet they change nothing on their websites. All they care about it sending the kids back to class to learn about something they won't ever use. Think back to high school...how many of us actually use 1/3 of what we were taught? How about we teach something that kids can use like coping skills, or about the 17 different forms of mental illness, how about how to care for each other, how about not focusing so much on shoving knowledge that they will never use if they are not in their seats. If the children are taking their lives, how can you teach them? Well I am no Doctor but I am pretty sure that it doesn't take one to see that we have a serious issue.
So teachers, educators, parents, teens..ask yourself if what you are doing is enough in your school? Ask yourself...have you truly done enough? Schools have our children at least 40 hours a week if not more. Sara's entire life was school. If you haven't asked your school if they do something about suicide awareness, I suggest you get to talking. Make Sara's Silence heard around the world, I am.
I am the mother of a beautiful forever 16 year old girl and she killed part of all of us that day. Her story ended all to soon. Someone did an awesome video tribute for Sara and bringing awareness to suicide. Please check it out. It was nicely done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldfsSRBF5q8&feature=youtu.be
Sarabear,
My angel. God I miss you. I miss your sweet smile. Your amazing laugh. I miss you helping me with grammar and spelling. Every day I pray that I wake up from this nightmare. Every day I search for another way to help someone.Every day, I share your story with anyone who will listen. Every day, your last day plays on repeat in my head. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I know that you didn't mean to do this to me. Doesn't mean I am not angry with you because I am. I am so pissed off that you didn't allow me to fix this. I am pissed off that you took your life. You should have been able to show me that you were hurting. I am sorry that you didn't feel like I was able to understand. I am sorry that I never asked you if you were depressed or having thoughts of hurting yourself. I am pissed off that you decided you were done, throwing in the towel. Do I get to throw in the towel? No I have to continue to breathe. But now I breathe for both of us. Now I fight for both of us. Now I change the world for both of us. Babygirl, I will change the world in your honor or die trying. I love you princess. You were my life. You were everything I could ever want. I had the perfect child. You always protected me. I wish you would have let me protect you. I love you more than my own life which is why I will not be silent. Walking through hell, one baby step at a time, but I am walking. The weight you left me to carry is more than I can handle at times, so that is when I crawl. When I can't crawl, I speak up in your honor and it's then that someone carries me. I love you Sara. I'm sorry I let you down. I won't let you down again. I will speak up!!!!
Hug Kiss Five Muah,
Mommy
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